The guide to (pissing off) Sasuke's emo self

AKA

The 7 things I hate about you!

1. He's a walking wall of iceberg.

Make him aware of you... i.e. be loud and follow him wherever he goes without making it obvious, insult him like there's no tomorrow, emo Sasuke is a moody broody gloomy person who enjoys crossing his fingers while contemplating on how best to kill his relative, an annoying teammate or an innocent squirrel. "Hey, hey bastard Sasuke, are we there yet!?" When he gets tired of it, guaranteed, you don't need to make the first move, he'll gladly shut you up.

2. His vocabulary and expressions are limited.

Glare at him like you want to kill him, and mean it. First impressions last. Standing on his table and kissing him on the mouth is a good example be it accidental or not to illicit even the slightest inaudible word.

4. His favorite object is the mirror.

Crush his ego. Show him he's not the only hottest, coolest, stuck up prick genin around, which he really is. I.e. use his quotable quotes on him when the time comes, there's no better way to feel good about it than rubbing it on his face that his self-deprecating lines can be used on him too. "What's wrong, scaredy cat?"

5. His eyes are only good for looking down on people and undressing them with it.

Steal the scene, emo Sasuke is not cut out for saving damsels in distress, only for saving the annoying teammate that is always followed by trouble consistently.

6. Inferiority complex fits him like a sock.

Rub it in... just rub it in. When an emo Sasuke's ego is crushed, his brain tends to go haywire because it has been fried by doing too much chidori, so the first thing he should see after waking up should be the face of the damsel in distress he wasn't able to save, and the dumb genin who actually did, and make him admit it.

7. Emo Sasuke is a cheater and a sore loser.

If there is a shortcut to a race he'd take that route no matter how gloomy looking and dark it is, to win. You know he's admitted defeat when he's willing to go as far as exchanging bitch-slaps with you when his itty bitty fingers got caught in the cookie jar and walking out of the scene after...

And the final blow is... he hates sweets. So don't worry, there is no reason that his expression is always sour, he was born that way.

Ke ke ke ke... it's me Shuu, reading chapter 453 made me hope again. Hopefully Sasuke gets to kill Danzou, mwahaha, then Kakashi goes Hokage, Gaara, Sasuke and Naruto meet on the Hokage meeting and things progress from there. I found a pin up by Kishi with Gaara, Sasuke and Naruto as a genin, Naruto's at the center, not really great eye candy since you know Naruto was an idiot with brute strength as a genin but it's still good as a SasuNaru GaaNaru inspiration.

Naruto has a harem... he has!?

If you compare a Hokage to the royalty he would be the King, Naruto's gained a handful of harem way before he could get the title though.

Sasuke: Harem me no likey! Me want to be one and only!
Naruto: Shut up, it's not like I have a choice!

The guy he's chasing constantly. Duh.

Neji: You are destined to me... come, let us build our nest of love....
Naruto: What crap are you talking about!?

The guy he freed from his cage.

Gaara: Uzumaki. Marry me. Quick. Or I'll kill you.
Naruto: ...

The guy he pulled out from death's clutches.

Sai: Naruto-kun, what small penis you have, I can gaze at it forever. :swoons:
Naruto: If you want to stare at a dick so much then I'll castrate you and have it framed!

The guy whose emotions were regained through Naruto.. and obsesses with his penis.

Shikamaru: I think I just had my cock stuck in deep trouble. :pulls out but can't:
Naruto: You weren't complaining earlier!

The guy who wants to walk with him. Mendokuse.

Inari: Look Naruto! I made a monument of you! :shows his Naruto shrine:
Naruto: ... This is not healthy.

The boy who is now a guy that sees him as a hero.

Itachi: Naruto-kun, are you coming... and going? Or coming... and, staying? Either way... you shall come.
Naruto: Umm...

The guy who chases HIM constantly.

Kakashi: Maa... maa, Naruto-kun, you still have lots more to work on... Again.
Naruto: WTF!? I didn't come early! You just came late!!! I'll pass out damn you!

The guy who appears conveniently to catch and carry him everytime he passes out. And taught him the basics... of ninja-hood.

OWARI

Like a flashing neon sign…

1. During the first chapters the characters are introduced through their titles. Chapters one to four go through this category, Naruto, Konohamaru, Sasuke Uchiha, and Kakashi Hatake. You do not introduce characters into titles if they're not going to play a major part in the story. Konohamaru is Naruto's protege obviously, Kakashi's their teacher in which they are going to be influenced and taught by and Sasuke and Naruto... well, was Kishimoto introducing them as rivals in chapter three or as a canon pairing in the series? This was where they kissed, and in the anime, Sasuke even remembered what Naruto tasted like.

2. On chapter 8 Sasuke gives his bento to Naruto, Sakura follows suit only because she thought she'd look bad in front of Sasuke if she didn't share too. Do you think I'm biased? No, these are based on my keen observations and Sakura's character and behavior at the time. I'm a geek.

3. Sasuke and Naruto's always protecting each other... duh. With the Zabuza incident, during the Chuunin exams and the Gaara times.

4. When Sasuke and Naruto finally reunite in the Shipuuden arc, Sasuke claims to have forgotten Naruto but says that 'you're still like a child Naruto', which means that he does remember how Naruto acts like.

5. Sasuke claims Naruto as his most precious person aside from his brother.

6. Naruto acknowledges Sasuke as the first one who acknowledged his existence.

7. Even if they don't admit it, SasuNaru teamwork is invincible, which was seen in the Zabuza incident.

8. Naruto poses as a great influence on Sasuke as Orochimaru had said.

9. In chapter 366, Itachi asks Naruto what makes him care so much for Sasuke… and he tells him it's because Sasuke is like a brother to him and that he'll be a better brother than Itachi.

10. On chapter 27, Sasuke tells Naruto that his body just moved without thinking, but way before that his thought shows that he fully intended to save him even at the risk of his own life. "Damn I hope I can make it in time!"

11. Sasuke tells Naruto that he hadn't killed him because of a whim, but he sure took his time kneeling there and staring at Naruto in the rain before he decided he didn't want to kill him after all. What’s more, for someone who’s going to kill you and who’s relatively fast, he seems to take his time drawing out his sword, enough time for Sai and Yamato to act.

12. Their Chakra Nature complements each other! Wind and Fire. I have a feeling this is going to play a great part in the series.
 

Maybe I can hope and Naruto would say this, "Don't worry Sasuke, I won't let your fire die..." Kyaaaah... rekindle the flame! But that's hoping too much. It'd never happen. But hey, a rotten girl could dream right?

13. Let us find a reason why Madara didn't let Sasuke capture the nine-tails himself, not too strong? Might kill Naruto accidentally? Nah... he knows something, much, much more important than that. Like Sasuke being influenced by Naruto...

14. Even Kyuubi knows it.

“Don’t kill Naruto. You’ll end up regretting…”

15. They already have nicknames for each other which, by some twisted silent agreement outside of their world, doesn’t allow others permission to use them except on each other.

“Baka-suke!”

“Usuratonkachi.”

“Teme!”

“Dobe.”

“Yarou!”

“Baka.”

16. There’s only so many times you could think and stare at a person and not get grossed out by it.
 

So I was browsing through countless of my cds where I have all the yaoi downloaded goodies stored when a thought struck me. 'Jesus it's been three years.' When I download stuff, I write them on a piece of paper with the date and put it as label on the cd, it's even arranged alphabetically and by date. That's right, I'm anal like that. It was in 2007 when I first discovered my love of yaoi where my first downloaded manga was No Money and I still had no idea that it should be read from right to left. It started out when I was reading a Rurouni Kenshin fic, it's so old I was amazed there's still fanfic authors who write about it. The fic wasn't even yaoi, it's canon entitled My Life by Fitz, it was so beautifully written and simple that it captured me, it was also the reason why I started writing myself. Kenshin, the protagonist in the fic was an introvert and girly looking, turns out he was always being mistaken as gay because he has the gay look and this one phrase had me giggling and excited and fantasizing all of a sudden. Plus he's constantly being hit on by guys, straight or not... he even got nearly killed because of it.

I can still remember it.

“What kind of shampoo do you use?” asked Aoshi. His face was buried in the hair at my neck. I don’t think he had the ability to move away. “Not bad... do you know what kind of chemicals they use to make it smell like that?”

FYI Aoshi was a chem. something student here. So my first pairing was Aoshi x Kenshin, it wasn't long before I drifted over to Sano x Kenshin, Saitou x Kenshin, and then as I began reasearching for fics with the keywords Aoshi x Kenshin I stumbled across... the word yaoi. Again, the googling teenager that I was, a bunch of links appeared before me and I bumped across my first download yaoi site... Yaoiness.net after years I finally realized it was a hosting site.

Yaoi has made a great impact in my life why? Because before yaoi I didn't even know what a link meant, or the difference between .jpg or .gif format, from then on I was a changed person.

Then there it was... my first... loooooove. :swoons:

SasuNaru.

Speaking it out loud is a musical pleasure to my ears. RurouKen was just infatuation. This. This is love.....

While looking for Aoshi x Kenshin in adultfanfiction.net, I stumbled across the Naruto archive. "What's this, Naruto?" Naruto was really popular in my place, we were even make paper shurikens and throwing them around in classroom but soon I got tired of it. When I first read Breaking Apart by cloudydayz since I have a tendency to lean on to the darker side of the fanfic genre my heart beat so fast, I was hyper ventilating and my palms got sweaty, my friend who was with me at the time said 'you look like you're having an orgasm or something.' Then we laughed. In a way I did. And because of it I still read Rurouni Kenshin fics but not as often as SasuNaru... In the end just reading wasn't enough, there were tons of images on my head that I finally gave in and wrote them too. And a day before my birthday I published my first ever SasuNaru fic... I've even started to like the Naruto manga and anime too and always being kept up to date.

Sasuxnaru is love.

I feel like putting a tattoo on my back with that line, I'm so obsessed it's unhealthy.

And now in the year 2009... oh how time flies, 3 and a half years and my obsession's still growing strong.

Now about my personal boring life, I'm a half-Japanese, I filed a petition for the government to acknowledge my rights and I'm just waiting for my visa so I can fly and give my pops who abandoned me and my mom, my self-improvised right hook on person.

It's been a long time since I've graduated from highschool, and in the Philippines you can't get a job if you're over-qualified, or mostly underqualified especially with someone like me who's always being judged because of my body size and appearance it's really tiresome, I'm stuck here my life no different from when I was still in highschool, bluntly put I have no life and I think it's worse since I have no worries being like that, I don't get affected easily. Hopefully, when my visa arrives and I fly to Japan, something's going to happen finally with me.

 I'll have the beta-ed version soon... this is unbetaed.

“Sasuke, Itachi doesn’t truly love me. He loved me because he needed me. I needed him because I loved him. There is a difference Sasuke.”

My mom and I... we are not very, very good with each other.

I've always viewed myself as a patient, apathetic, somewhat laid-back person.

Perhaps it was because the tea was bland that day. Or I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed, I was too pissed to notice that my bed is stuck close to the wall. Never the less, it had been a very irritating, intolerable day.

So I was a little miffed when my mom suddenly stood up from her chair and pulled the TV's cord and locked herself in her room. Noooo she was not sulking. She was a fairly mature woman who knew that sulking was for adolescent angsting kids who believed that they were the center of the universe and that you have to pay attention to them or they'll die. Like me.

Pity. Dr. Phil was on and I thought maybe by watching someone who claims to know what your problems is by showing you on national tv can help me figure out the amazing puzzle that is my mom.

I think, the problem originates from the fact that I hate seeing people make a fool of themselves aka act stupid. So imagine my horror when my mom suddenly called me, snatching me away from the comforts of my bed and blanket just to say in a very pitiable voice, that she's been knocking on the door for fifteen minutes and that her suit case was missing aka poorly hidden words to state that some bastard stole it.

Did I mention that I was low blood? It takes about fifteen to twenty minutes depending on my near souring mood for me to finally take the first step out of my bed. I'm the type who drags her feet, no matter who, when or how the day was going on around me, I care less than the piss I take every morning. So back to my mom, I open the door and watch her with sleep heavy eyes saunter across the living room and sit on my bed. Saunter. I did not just shiver. Yes, my bed, because sleeping on the couch is not my style and results in a series of pain killers for the back, there is a bed in the living room. It's convenient, sue me.

So, what brings you here? I ask, smelling morning breath and feeling my oily face and know that I must look like the boogeyman right then. She brings the box of electric fan which I gawk at for about ten minutes tops and listen to her half an hear her narration of the dramatic loss of her suitcase. Poor suitcase. I remain calm. First of all it's not my things in there and knowing her, and which she told me in the end that the contents were just out of date passports birth certificates and such, it's just useless crap in my opinion. Second, it's not like there's money in it. It's a suitcase for Pete's sake, it's supposed to be tossed into the compartment where all things heavy and a waste of space go. And lo and behold, before I knew it my blood was already rising up my head and I can see black spots on the back of my eyes. My nape hurts.

A hundred dollars. She said. Who could be stupid enough to put money in there anyway? I mean. All of it? As in, really? Was the thought I have been entertaining in my head nonchalantly before she told me albeit grudgingly, that she put the money in the suitcase because people usually snatch things attached to her body. She puts money rolled with paper under her busts fo fuck's sake! Why did she change that now!? I go to the kitchen sink, fully awake now and wash my face. Calm down I said to myself. This is your mother, the one who carried you to her womb for nine gureling months and who took care of you single handedly because your father was a bastard. But amidst all that, a hundred dollars kept ringing in the background. No matter how I look at it, it can only point to one direction.

So you have no money for the fare back to Pampanga? I asked, cutting her off from her nervous babbling. She nodded. I sighed. I have no work and the money my brother gives me is just enough for my food expenses and other leisurely cheap things like the internet shop. I tried calling my other non-existent brother for financial help, the cold uncaring one. Then why is she stupid enough to lose the suitcase anyway and put, the money in it? I have no money, call Jo? Was his reply, his tone stings me, because even if I did think that she was a bit stupid for losing the suitcase and for putting money on said suitcase, I never ever give that tone to her. As if he couldn't care less. I called my existent uber helpful brother, hoping a bit that he somehow has miraculously bountiful harvest in the tips he got from serving in the restaurant he works at. But he just paid the bills, and I was turned down immediately, and told me to come with my mom to the police and go to the bus terminal where she lost it after ranting about how he doesn't remember having an idiotic mother give birth to him. My God, my eyes roll up heavenward, I think my ears are bleeding. She asked what they said, I shook my head and told her they had no money.

In the end she got the suitcase. But without the money. I turned all Law and Order on her and crossed examined her. In the end, she admitted that she didn't really see the boy who volunteered to help her carry her luggage put her suitcase into the compartment. My reason was, if they didn't put it into the compartment and just left it in the terminal then it wouldn't have been found at all or someone would have noticed and told the bus driver that someone's suitcase was by the compartment side of the bus, because we live in a depraved world with near extinct but still existing honest people. I was telling her that it must have been left in the compartment and that she didn't look clearly. There's a conspiracy here. But in the end, she still has no money and I'm all pissed as hell because she has this bad habit of changing answers with the same question. If this was in Court, she'd definitely lose. That's what you get when you've been a habitual liar all your life. She couldn't tell the truth to save her life, and my sanity in that matter.

You lie once and find it easy to deceive a person's trust. Because lying keeps people out of poking into your business, because they care for you, any further than you want. If you're good enough, it lulls people into a false sense of thought that you're alright and you're not doing stupid things that will let you screw up. It easily slips out of your tongue. Example? Are you okay? Sure, nothing to worry I'm fine. Sounds simple. God only knows what kind of truths she'd hidden using that phrase. Even I had my share of lies. Did you just get another serving? No! Of course not. I sometimes forget I'm on a diet when I'm upset. But when you lie, you cheat yourself. Unfortunately, lying could only help her beget children with different non-existent fathers out of wed-lock. So you couldn't really blame them (the sons) for being cold to her. Not that I'm different, only milder.

In a sense, we're the same. Mom and I. I may not be the lying type, but when she suddenly nagged me about how I should boil the water I'm drinking, how I should not go out wearing only an over grown t-shirt and no under shorts because that would be inviting rape, and about how I shouldn't be going out in the evening just to buy snacks, because there had been a massacre two hours away from my place. I thought, before I got into a rant about if it's your time to die then so be it and a whole bond paper consisting of other various philosopphical litanies about death I snatched from fanfiction, and that I'm not rape material and that I know Jeet Kun Do, I dismissed her easily by saying, you never cared before why start now?

We take the phrase 'The world is too small for the both of us' into a whole 'nother level.

She remained silent. I for one, was finally left in peace, not at all guilty that she suddenly stood up, pulled the TV's cord and locked herself up in her room and I resumed reading Kodak's Purple and bit my lip at the graphic rape scene. God, Purple is like my chocolate, The first paragraph on the rape scene puts me into orgasmic bliss. Purple makes me forget. Yes, that's right. It's my drug.

And then I start contemplating how I should probably apologize for making her cry, she's cute like that, in her room, because Mother's Day is near and I don't really want to lose sleep because of this. So here I am typing this up, before I go to sleep. And Apologize.

:Sigh:

Sweet dreams y'all.